Words of affirmation: meaning and examples
Words of affirmation is one of the five love languages described by Gary Chapman in 1992: feeling loved mainly through spoken or written appreciation. For someone with this love language, "I am proud of you" matters more than a gift. The words work when they are specific and sincere.
What it means
Chapman's idea is that people give and receive love in different ways: words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, gifts and physical touch. If words are yours, you remember what was said to you for years, in both directions. Praise fills you up and a careless remark stays.
Words of affirmation examples
The best ones name something particular.
- I love how your mind works.
- I noticed how you handled that. It was impressive.
- You make ordinary days better.
- I am proud to be with you.
- I trust your judgement.
- You looked wonderful tonight, and you knew it.
- Thank you for doing that. I saw it.
- I was thinking about what you said all day.
- Nobody makes me laugh like you do.
- I feel calm when you are here.
- You are good at this.
- I miss you when you are in the next room.
How to ask for it
Tell your partner that hearing it matters to you, and give an example of something he said that you still remember. Many people feel appreciation and assume it is obvious. They are usually glad to be told that saying it aloud is the gift.
Questions and answers
- What are words of affirmation?
- Spoken or written expressions of love, appreciation and encouragement. It is one of the five love languages.
- What are the five love languages?
- Words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, receiving gifts and physical touch, as described by Gary Chapman.
- Is a praise kink the same as words of affirmation?
- They are related. Words of affirmation is about feeling loved; a praise kink is finding praise arousing. Many people have both.